(Photo stolen from meatpilljunkie on Flickr)
Auds at Barking Mad! sent out an e-mail the other day, asking bloggers for their input for a serious post she's been researching and writing for several months. The topic isn't new, but the fact that Auds is doing actual research -- phone calls and interviews with government agencies and professionals with educated opinions -- raises her query far beyond other discussions I have seen. We of the blogging community have a collective bad habit of wondering aloud, hand-wringing and navel-gazing, but not actually delving into an issue with field research. I include myself in that assessment, as I have the attention span of a gnat.
The topic: Is blogging about children exploitative and/or unsafe, and where should lines be drawn? The question Auds posed to bloggers -- please go add your opinions to the growing list, as she is weighing the opinions of bloggers with her research -- is how do we walk the line between art and exploitation of our children? Quoting Auds:
I want to know what your limits are; the things you will and will not write or post about. What are your own concerns about images posted of our children and whether you think it constitutes a risk, and whether you think, down the line, our children may read our words about raising them - those shared experiences we can all relate to and commiserate with, and will it cause them any undue stress, pain, or as some allege, years spent in a therapists office trying to come to terms with mommy writing about potty-training difficulties?
Addressing the safety issues first, I decided to approach blogging safely in an unsafe world the same way I approach potential car thieves: I take precautions but don't obsess. When I park in a full parking lot, some of the cars around me are flashy and expensive, some are clunkers. Some of both groups are locked, some are left with the windows rolled down. Quite a few have alarms, but probably more don't. I pull up, roll up my windows, throw anything of value into the trunk, lock the car, and walk away. I know full well that any crafty thief can get into my car if he wants to, but the car next to me isn't locked and there's a shopping bag on the seat -- I'm banking on THAT one getting hit before mine does.
Should I have an alarm? You might say yes, until you see my car. Then you'd just laugh.
I approached my blog identity the same way. I wanted to write about where I live, so I didn't obscure the local town names. I already had a presence on the web under my real name (including, but not limited to, the listing of a fortuitous and real bra size, once upon a pregnancy), so that had to stay. So the way I "lock the door" is by using nicknames only for my children, and not posting identifiable photos. It helps that I use my maiden name, which is my legal name, but it's not my children's or husband's name. This is my approach to any and all social media -- comments on other peoples' blogs, Twitter, even Facebook. Yes, Smedley and Sparky are even referred to as Smedley and Sparky on Facebook. My high school friends probably think I'm trying to be like the CelebriFreaks who name their children after fruit and bad dreams.
Could someone get around my half-assed security system? Sure. Do I lose sleep over it? No. There's a blog "Lexus" parked next to me that would be far more appealing to someone up to no good. If they want ME that bad, they'll get me. Otherwise, they'll go looking somewhere easier.
I am very protective of other people that I write about, as well -- I rarely use anyone's real name if they could be identified.
As far as issues of personal privacy for our family members, I would rather pass up a good story than risk hurting my child. But you and I may differ in our opinions of what might hurt my child, and there's the rub. If I could tell the story to a crowd of people and have my daughter walk up mid-story, and neither of us would feel the shame of betrayal, I'm on solid ground. If it would take more than one sentence to explain why I am telling all of these people about what she said at the grocery store, then I'd better leave it alone. HOWEVER, if the story is good enough and I want to record it for my old folks home years, I write the story and e-mail it to myself, I really do. TA-DA! Problem solved.
Auds, I hope this helps you find some truth, but more likely, it will probably lead to more questions. That's okay, too; we are usually at our best when we are questioning our own behavior. And thanks, Auds, for the work you have put into this topic; I'm eager to read what you have learned.
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