Customers say the darnedest things, don't they? If you've ever waited tables, worked retail, or worked anywhere you may have come into contact with human beings, you know just what I mean. (Archaeologists, all-night lab techs and Antarctic explorers, you may have trouble understanding the post. You are excused.)
The following items were taken from my recently rediscovered Bizarre Request Archives from my old gift store, Tom Foolery. If you want to read more, in no particular order, check here and here. These particular gems were overheard by my staff or me, as spoken, word for word, by customers.
#30 Customer points to a Raiders wind sock and says, "Look, a Raiders backpack!"
For very tiny people, apparently.
#39 Gentleman reads out loud Butthead hat as "Butterhead," then comments it would be a great golf cap. [The Butthead caps were made out of little boys brightly-dyed tighty-whities. I'm not sure the country club would approve.]
(Photo stolen from these guys)
#44 Customer calls the cedar eggs "potatoes."
#87 Kristin shows wallets to an older couple. The man is holding a Bosca Old Leather black wallet. His wife says, "You don't want a plastic wallet," referring to the shiny Bosca. Kristin says it is a high-polished Italian leather; the wife comments, "They don't have no cows in Italy!" Kristin stops explaining.
#91 "Look, dehydrated spiders!"
Whaaaaa?
#95 Daughter: "Hey, Mom, look -- glow-in-the-dark condoms!"
Mom, dead serious: "What, for black people?"
Daughter: "No, Mom!"
#99 Two high school girls who could barely read, reading the buttons aloud: "I've got gas so bad I had to get a . . . cannery [canary]."
#103 "BRAIN chimes? Oh, RAIN chimes."
(Photo stolen from these guys)
#108 Teenage girl to mother, discussing glow-in-the-dark condoms: "Did you know the lubrication glows, too, and that his BLANK still glows a couple days later? It's a rumor around school."
Mother: "No way."
#135 Lady misreads "I'm not aging I'm MARINATING" apron as "I'm not aging I'm URINATING."
(Photo stolen from these guys)
#137 Lady looking at gargoyle figurines: "Oh, The Hobbit. Isn't this The Hobbit? You know, by J.J. Tolkien?"
(Photo stolen from this site)
#141 Mother and daughter, 30s and 50s, shopping for birthday gifts. Daughter picks up a book, laughs knowingly, and reads, "STOP THE AGGING." Mother corrects her, "AGING."
#142 A guy sees weather glass barometer hanging on the wall and says, "Lookit that teapot."
(Photo stolen from this site)
#143 "Now I know where to go to find the stuff I don't know where to go to find."
That's the idea! Now go forth and spread the good word, okay?






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