In our little house, Chas watches sports,
therefore we ALL watch at least a little bit of sports . . . all year
long.
Following sports on TV can alter life and
seasonal changes as we know them. Here's how our "sports year" goes, starting
with, um, well it's hard to find a good starting place? How about the two days
of the year when there are NO major sporting events. Do you know
them?
I do. They're religious holidays for
me.
They are the day immediately preceding and
following Major League Baseball's All Star game (usually right around my
birthday, in early July).
So, our sports year begins with baseball; in our
house it's the Dodgers and the Angels (although the Giants and the A's should be
watched sometimes just to keep up on the enemies). Golf happens each weekend,
of course, beginning on Thursday and ending Sunday. The British Open is a very
important golf event in our house, although Chas can't kid ME -- he'd watch the
Rosanne Barr Classic if there should be one. I have a special fondness for the
British Open, going back to when Chas and I were dating. He'd show up at my
apartment at 6:00 a.m. with doughnuts and hot chocolate. He'd turn on the TV
just loud enough to hear the announcers whispering. I'd wake up, mumble "How's
Monty doing?" eat a doughnut, then go back to sleep until the hot chocolate was
cool enough to drink. The good old days.
By August golf and baseball are in full
swing, lousy pun intended. Football is starting with a whimper in the form of
exhibition games. Thankfully, Chas is not as fanatical as my dad and doesn't
insist on watching every single pre-season game.
September throws the NFL into the mix for real.
Chas's beloved Rams are now so far away in St. Louis that he gets to watch only
some of their games. Still, important match-ups among other teams must be
watched. Baseball is either over or just getting good, depending upon how the
L.A. teams are doing.
October is a critical month for sports fans.
The World Series wraps up baseball, NFL football is dominating the airwaves (not
to mention college ball; can't live without UCLA and some USC games on
Saturdays, can we?), and little whuffles are coming from the corner where the
NBA has been hibernating. Basketball has actually started encroaching on
baseball's final days in recent years, and with golf in its "silly season," as
Chas calls it, well, the TV never cools down at our house.
November, December and January are all about
football and basketball. I have no idea when the soccer season might be, but I
suspect it's like golf -- it goes all year, and how dare they actually call it a
"season?" Glory Be, Chas doesn't like soccer or hockey. In fact, he may be
poisoning the girls' minds against those sports, because on Saturday Sparky (in
accusatory tones one might use for seeing someone pick his nose on camera)
yelled, "DADDY! There's HOCKEY on TV!"
After football ends in early February, college
basketball is the big deal, and March Madness adequately describes my mental
state. If I have to live with sports on TV all the time, I'm lucky to be
married to a man who is annoyed by most sports commentators, and who keeps the
volume near zero. Because if I had to hear Dick Vitale -- "Yeah bayyyy-beeeee!"
-- any more than just on vacuous TV ads, I'd go postal by St. Patty's
Day.
So here we are in April, and the NBA season has
ended. Not to worry, though; the playoff season is nearly as long as the
regular season! Whoopee! The Lakers lost their first playoff game last night,
as predicted by Chas. It shouldn't be long now . . .
After April we're back where we started, with
baseball and golf -- two of the most exciting AND boring spectator sports on the
planet. Maybe Dick Vitale is available for commentary,
bayyyy-beeeee.
Recent Comments