Welcome, Fiends

Greetings!  And welcome to the most recent evidence of my ongoing megalomania!

I don’t WANT to write, I HAVE TO.  To that end, here is my mission statement for Foolery, and a list of self-inflicted rules, which I reserve the right to change or ignore at any time, without warning.  So there.

Foolery Mission Statement

It is my goal, objective, mission and plan to make people laugh and recognize their own behavior and experience in my words.  I will express The Truth as I see it.  To this end I will tell The Truth (except when I’m lying, in which case I will almost always tell you).

Foolery Rules

No, this is not a football cheer; this is my code of conduct, to which I will pay strict attention (except when I don’t, in which case I will almost always apologize).

1. No swearing.  I reserve the right to say “D-word,” “butthead,” “a**,” and “golly” on occasion.  (If you think “golly” is a swear word, this is no place for you, as I tend to apply it liberally, with aplomb, and without a care as to whom I might offend.  Sorry.)
2. Most family and friends will be referred to by their nicknames, to protect the innocent.  If you are not innocent, I will refer to you by your full name, and post your address, phone number, and a map to your house.
3. No discussions of religion, politics, sex, race, philosophy, existentialism, camels, trashy television, or nose-picking.  Except when I want to, in which case I will agree to be on my best behavior.  Okay, that just cleared out most of you.
4. For the three of you still reading, the last (today) and most important rule: No split infinitives, dangling participles, or using of prepositions to end sentences with.  But I reserve the right to be grammatically incorrect AT LEAST 50% of the time (my escape clause).

Risks of Reading Foolery

You can expect to hear an inordinate amount of crap (oh, there’s one to add to Rule #1) about me, my family, my home town, and the town in which I am rumored to work.  You do risk learning something, though that risk is statistically insignificant.  Be aware that because this blogger is a mother of little kids, and a denizen of Rural America, you, dear reader, risk hearing about various excretions and things that smell.  I’m sorry, I don’t make this stuff up, I just call ‘em as I see ‘em (or nearly step in ‘em).

Perceived Benefits

Anyone bored enough to have gotten this far can finish this for me.  Please, e-mail to me any benefits you expect to get from reading this blog; I can’t think of any.