Foolery

BlogHus: We Are Not About Shoes (But We Could Be Talked Into a Shoe Deal)

So this weekend, I was wearing either my clown pants or a tie-dyed hippy dress, and was mostly barefoot.  I did exfoliate my face yesterday morning, and my toenails accidentally look pretty good, but the rest of me is a cesspool.

Arrgghh.  Is this what you came here for?  Really?

People, we can do better than this kind of reportage!  That stuff may be what we're doing, but it isn't -- or it shouldn't be  -- what we're about.

I think we are about the rough heels we don't show you through our peep-toed shoes.  We are definitely about the eye bags most of us are sporting from staying up way too late in front of a glowing monitor.  We are about badly-managed tomato plants, and water skiing injuries, and church choir solos.  We are about hangnails and perfectly-baked salmon and telling dirty jokes with our elderly aunties.

And, in light of all of that, I am showing you the shoes that people have sent me.  These are the shoes people wore this weekend, while socializing, cleaning house, playing with the kids, blogging, and, in the case of Bejewell of The Bean, working the corner near Circus Circus in Las Vegas.

I do worry about that girl, sometimes.

Anyway, BlogHus is a loose confederation of people who want to be real, even if, in my case, that means being real annoying, a lot.  And yes, I know that wasn't a proper adverb.  See the previous sentence.  So here are the shoes of a few of those

REAL

FUNNY

PEOPLE

who all happen to be bloggers (who also all happen to be women, because Jason and David and Chris and Jeff and Rick's Cafe didn't send me any pictures of their footwear). 

Cactus Petunia of Buenos Burritos said, "I think they go with just about all my outfits. And if I should accidentally step in something (like bean dip) at the un-convention I can just hose 'em off."  Something like bean dip.  I have no doubt that something resembling bean dip could be found on the floor of any convention I might be allowed to attend.

From Drama Pond -- "I'm ready for the BLOGHUS convention!  I'm comin as is!"  Do we need to worry?  Is there the proper muu muu or house coat above those ankles?

TJ at Humble Origins -- "I thought I'd show you the shoes I was sportin' today as I was cleanin' out the chicken house.  And the more I got to thinkin' about it these shoes here would probably be more appropriate as I'm sure it would get pretty deep if we were all to get together!"  Truer words were never typed, Miss TJ.

Deb at Gittin' It Outta My Head! -- "Note to self: Do not wear these while walking in heavy shell zone. Could be hazardous!"  We have so few shells lying around here at the (current, temporary, imaginary) BlogHus Headquarters that that is not a consideration at this time.  Cow pies, now THAT'S a problem.

Wreke Havoc told me -- "I was looking for shoes in all the wrong places when I went out and purchased a pair of Crocs for my son that will probably be better than anything in my closet . . . but these shoes are just too bitchin not to share."  Can you send more photos of your granite counters, Wreke?  I'm starting to drool.

Meg at SOUP Is Not a Finger Food was succinct: "AAAARRRRR!"  Says it all.  Oh, and she very kindly sent me the silver shoes at the top of this post, which were actually named "Hussy Shoes."  I'm not lying.  I saw the Amazon page.  And now Amazon will put them in my "Since You Look At Hussy Shoes, You Really Ought To Check Out This Other Skanky Stuff, You Slut You" file.

Sarah at OK, Where Was I? staged this photo, just for us.  I have taken the liberty of pointing out with arrows the things she detailed in her e-mail:  "Just like how Paris Hilton walks the red carpet with her dog and some atrocious bag, I've got my two accessories.  And yes, they are two different shoes.  I can only find one of my 'special' going out flip flops with beading, so I'll have to wear one of my everyday flip flops.  And since they're different thicknesses, I'll be the one walking around with what looks like hip displacement.  In case I was unrecognizable with the black lab and bare-butted two year old."  I did the hat.

Chesapeake Bay Woman at Life in Mathews was wearing one of these on her head the first time ever I saw her face.  Hey, there's a song about that.  She said, "The last time I was at Nordstrom, which was NEVER, I picked up a pair of these.  I paid extra for the lazy eye on the left.  I plan on wearing these proudly to any BlogHus function."

Last but not beast, Big Hair Envy sent me a photo of a her goat.  There's an inside joke there, but explaining it would only kill it.  And my credibility.  And the goat.  But that's okay, because at BlogHus, WE LIKE GOATS.  As long as they don't stand on our cars.

EDIT:  Sorry about the photos not coming through for something like FOUR HOURS.  I had to make dinner, make up beds, and go visit a brand new baby.  You know, the good stuff.  Finally finished (I hope)!

Thanks for playing along, everyone!  I hope I didn't miss any shoe photos; I tried to stay on top of it.  Thanks for indulging me my excesses, for not throwing rocks, for making it all the way to the end of this post which took me THREE WHOLE DAYS of procrastination to write, and for writing with integrity about things -- both funny and serious, silly and important -- more compelling than shoes.  Squeeeeeeeee.

DOs and DON'Ts of Bloggywood Meet-ups

Whether this weekend you will be attending Mommy Pie's BLOGHERNOT 2008 gala, or hanging with the BlogHus outcasts winners, the following represents a short list of rules to follow when meeting fellow outcasts bloggers.  Think of this list as a BEGINNING, folks -- there are, maybe, 3500 more I just couldn't dredge up before the deadline!

DO:  Get the mani-pedi, eyebrow waxing, facial, highlight, cut and style, brazillian, tooth bleaching, boob job, tummy tuck, high colonic, lube and oil, and spray tan, for sure.
DON'T:  Wonder why women bloggers aren't taken more seriously for their craft.

DO:  "Gosh, you are SO funny (smart, heartwarming, sexy, rabid)!"
DON'T:  "Gosh, you are SO much funnier (smarter, heartwarming-er, sexier, more rabid) in person!"

DO:  "I love it when you post pictures of your children."
DON'T:  "I have photos of your children plastered all over my walls!"

DO:  "Your post about [INSERT ISSUE HERE] was very interesting. We're on opposite sides of the issue, but you raised some great points."
DON'T:  "I've prepared a Power Point presentation about why you're wrong, complete with charts and graphs and machines that go bing!"

DO:  Pass out business cards, bumper stickers, etc. with your blog's name, address and dating status printed in hearts and flowers and other Powerful Woman accoutrements.
DON'T:  Pass out.

DON'T:  Pick fights with A-list bloggers, calling them passé and over-hyped and irrelevant and generally making a nuisance of yourself in the main ballroom.
DO:  . . . unless you pretend you're from a rival blog, in which case go ahead, by all means.

And finally [THANK GAWD SHE'S STOPPING] . . .

DO:  Remember to smile.
DON'T:  Touch the spinach dip if you plan to smile.

Have fun, BlogHussies, BlogHunks, Doogs, BlogBitches, and all!

BlogHus: A Really Big Shoe

It has come to my attention that people who blog should be in blogging groups.  Well, I've taken care of this with my introduction of BlogHus.  (For the sake of full disclosure, Mommy Pie has started a similar group and she's calling it BLOGHERNOT 2008.  Go check it out!  She's serving pigs in blankets, I hear, so who could blame you?)

BUT . . . there is one issue that keeps coming up again and again, and that's the issue of What Shoes Are You Wearing To Your Blog Party?  With, of course, accompanying photos.  There are some pretty fancy international-sounding Shoe Guy names being bandied about out there in Bloggywood, so I dug through my closet for MY favorite shoes.  The designer is, it goes without saying, Adams & Jones, and the shoes were hand-made in sweaty places, probably.  No matter; I got mine for half price.  HALF PRICE!  And it wasn't even in the alley behind the 1994 San Francisco Fall Gift Show, or anything.

Here are my very special, favorite shoes, for best:

Kicky, no?  The toes were hand-painted by tiny women, I think.

Notice the detailing.  These are hand-stitched, with nubuck heels, people!

Light as a feather, too.  These are NOT your grandfather's Hushpuppies or Aunt Harriet's Doc Martins.

So here's your challenge, BlogHussies and BlogHunks:  show me the shoes you would be wearing to a BlogHus event if it were actually happening this weekend at the St. Francis in San Francisco, which it's not.  E-mail me a photo of the shoes and tell me why you chose them to share with other Bloghussies and BlogHunks.

foolery (at) clearwire (dot) net  EDITED because OH. MY. GAHH I got my own e-mail address wrong!! It just doesn't pay to stay up past 11:00 p.m.  SO sorry.

I'll post what you send me this weekend.  BlogHus, out!  Oh, and we really need to work on some cool catch phrases and stuff, too.

House-Hunting for BlogHus

(For an explanation of BlogHus please go read this.  And check out the BlogHus Blog Roll, full of lots of fun people who want to be a part of this ship going nowhere!)

The real estate market being what it is, I think now might be the time to jump on finding a headquarters for BlogHus.  Some other blog organizations out there have their bi-coastal conventions, so that's been done.  Also?  Nahhhhhh.  I want a HOME for BlogHus, dammit.

One place I've checked out had a fantastic kitchen . . .

(Photo stolen from these guys)

. . . but the bathroom, while undeniably spacious, seemed a bit lacking.

(Photo stolen from Iris Tramm)

Another place was right on the water and had the most wonderful patio lounge . . .

(Photo stolen from penarmusaraj on Flickr)

. . . but the rest of the house was a bit small.

(Photo stolen from tokyofortwo on Flickr)

I'll keep looking.  I'm on it.

BlogHus

Bear with me if you are not a blogger of some stripe or other -- this post will BORE YOU TO TEARS.  And, while you as Foolery readers are quite used to that state of being, I promise you this post will be worse than usual.  Feel free to click here for an alternative to reading this post.

Okay, for all those who are still reading Mom, I have been reading around Bloggywood a lot of posts about a certain conference for blogging-humans-with-double-X-chromosomes, and who is going, and who is not going, and who wants to go but wasn't invited, and who knows that NO invitation is necessary, and who is adamant about not going, and who is in the dark about this whole thing, and who forgot to feed the cat, and who will be home alone at the bottom of a wine bottle.  Count me in about most of those subgroups.

 

If you'd like to read a fantastic blog post about this issue -- and I know you would -- run, don't walk, to Bejewell's post at her blog The Bean.  It's very well-written, honest, and scrappy; you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll stand up and cheer.  It will make you speak in movie review sound bytes.  Just go, now, before I change my mind -- go!  And don't look back.

 

Okay, so I'm channeling somebody today, I guess.  Anyway.  I am forming a new nongroup.  I'm calling the nongroup BlogHus.



Here are The Rules:

• There are no rules.

 

Also?  Here are The Requirements:

• A pulse.  Exceptions can be made, of course, since there are no rules (see The Rules, above).

And?  The Benefits:

• Precisely none that come to mind.

To this end, I will be changing the name of my sort-of blog roll to BlogHus. I will empty my BlogHus blog roll, right after lunch, or as soon as I get around to it, whichever comes first, or second.  Anyone who wants to be a BlogHus blog roll member (even though there are no perceived benefits), say AARRRR like a pirate, or e-mail me at foolery (at) clearwire (dot) net, because the pirate thing doesn't work so well cross-continent.  Put AARRRR in the subject line.  Hey, all the cool kids are doing it!*

 

I have nothing against a certain conference for blogging-humans-with-double-X-chromosomes; I just don't want to be a part of it.  There, that was easy!  And if you feel the same as me, let me know. Or tell me to go jump in the lake (which I may do because it's something like 112 degrees today, and I'm not kidding).

 

Love,

 

Laurie

p.s.  Hey look -- a button!  For which I have no coding skills!  Feel free to do with it what you will!

 

*no they're not