Chas seems to have cured his acid reflux.Silly me, I hadn't noticed, even though it's been about a month, and I have seen him pour a glass of wine with dinner a couple of times . . . still, I was NOT PAYING ATTENTION. As usual.
So I interviewed him about it last week, a process made tedious by hand-writing the questions and answers in my doctor scrawl. You'll be happy to know I have transcribed it for all of our benefit.
CHAS: Remember that cure for acid reflux I told you about?FOOLERY: Ummmmm . . . sorta?
CHAS: Well, it worked.
FOOLERY: You tried it?
How long did it take?
Did you have to -- oh, um . . . let's start with . . . "How?"
CHAS, PATIENTLY, ALWAYS PATIENTLY: I read about it in one of those alternative medicine newsletters, and then I read it again in a separate newsletter, so I thought I'd try it.
FOOLERY: Well, can I ask you a question?
CHAS: Just one?
FOOLERY: Very funny. I know you talked with your doctor about your acid reflux, and I know he gave you some Prilosec samples, but I never heard what your diagnosis was?
CHAS: Not diagnosed. I think I have a hiatal hernia, but it wasn't officially diagnosed.
(Original graphic stolen from these guys)
FOOLERY: Okay, I just wanted to make that point to readers: CHAS IS JUST TOTALLY FISHING HERE, FOLKS.CHAS: Not true.
FOOLERY: Just kidding. Anyway. How long have you had reflux?
CHAS: Better part of a year.
FOOLERY: What were your symptoms?
CHAS: After going to bed I was fine lying on my back, but when I turned on my side, things would "come up."
FOOLERY: "Things" meaning food -- which foods bothered you?
CHAS: Red wine, ice cream, dark chocolate --
FOOLERY: All the things that make life worth living.
(Original photo stolen from these guys)
FOOLERY: How about spicy foods, like pizza?
CHAS: No problem, surprisingly. The issue was eating after 7:00 p.m., assuming I went to bed at 11:00. A four-hour cushion of time between eating and sleeping was something I tried pretty hard to maintain.
FOOLERY: Well, spicy foods probably would have bothered you, too, but you don't snack on spicy foods at 8:30, whereas you might have wine, ice cream or chocolate that late. Well, I would, anyway.
[Here's where the interview deteriorated and started to get silly; it was bound to happen, and No, you really don't want me to explain it]
FOOLERY: "Don't forget the grease mark!"
CHAS: "I think that's your best bet."
FOOLERY: "It's greater than keen -- it's CUGAT."
[Ahem. But seriously . . .]
FOOLERY: Were there any sexual side effects? [oh yes I did]
CHAS: No, only --
FOOLERY: DUDE! I am totally messing with you!
CHAS: You didn't let me finish: only vomiting on my partner. French kissing was problematic.
FOOLERY: Who is this partner of whom you speak?
Come back tomorrow for "How Chas Cured His Acid Reflux, Part II." No, really -- please? Come back?