A Visit From the Chicken Fairy

Ring ring

FOOLERY:  Hello?

MOM:  Hi, it's me. Um . . . we're gonna bring those chickens over to you, to put in your coop.

FOOLERY:  Okay . . . so, in the morning.

MOM [PAUSE]:  Right now.

FOOLERY:  Right NOW?! It's after nine; it's DARK.

MOM:  Well, that's why. Your dad can catch 'em in the dark.

FOOLERY:  Oh. Okay. But is the coop even prepared for chickens?

MOM:  Yes, he already went over to your yard and fussed with it. It's ready.

FOOLERY:  Oh. Okay.

*click*


Ring ring

FOOLERY:  Hello?

GUBBY:  Heyyyyyyyyy!

FOOLERY:  Hi Gub . . . can't talk long; I've got chickens coming over.

GUBBY [LONG PAUSE]:  I need a permanent microphone and video camera installed at your place . . . WHAT?!

FOOLERY:  Mom just called, and they're bringing chickens over.

GUBBY, IN BETWEEN FITS OF HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER:  In the dark?!

FOOLERY:  That's what I said! Yes, in the dark, because they can easily catch the chickens when they're roosting. Oh -- they're coming. I see the garage light on. They must be loading up the Murano.

GUBBY:  Well, your dad's dog Jim traveled in a Lincoln Towne Car -- the chickens must not rate, I guess.

FOOLERY:  Yeah, they're forced to ride in a Nissan. Okay, they're almost here. I gotta go -- the Chicken Fairy just arrived.


*click*


Ring ring

GUBBY:  Hello?

FOOLERY:  Hi, it's me. So we have chickens now.

GUBBY:  WHY?!

FOOLERY:  I dunno. It's Dad, of course. All I know is, on Sparky's birthday Dad announced that the six new baby chicks he got were for Sparky's birthday.

GUBBY:  Why?!

FOOLERY:  Because she didn't have any, of course. In Dad's world a lack of chickens is a need for chickens.  Never mind that HE doesn't have any chickens anymore. "But Dad," I said, "I don't have the chicken coop ready!" "Don't worry," he said, "They're not old enough yet. I'll keep them here, in the rabbit hutch," he said. That was two weeks ago. I guess they're old enough now. Look, I gotta go, but I'll keep you posted if there are any new chicken developments.

*     *     *     *     *

So we have six pullets (that's farm speak for underage hens) who are locked in for the summer, until they're big enough to be let out and not eaten by ravenous scavenging cats, owls, or rat terriers. This winter, eggs! Yippee! And half of the birds are aurecanas, which lay pastel-colored eggs.

Yes, these truly are the phone conversations of my life. If you have any questions as to why I am the way I am, please reread the above text. You must not have been paying good attention.

Any of y'all need any chickens? Dad can fire up the Nissan.

Comments

[Kathi D]

I have a chicken hook, by the way. Just in case you need to borrow one.

[Kathi D]

Well, of course you need chickens. Trust your father, he knows what he is talking about. One thing, though. How old are those "pullets" because 3 of my last year's "pullets" grew balls.

[Raz]

I want chickens. No joke. Would you Dad bring them to England for me?

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

I have no questions. None whatsoever.

This pretty much confirms what I've suspected all along: your father and my mother are long-lost siblings.

Welcome to the family, cousin.

BTW, this is now in my top three favorite Foolerys, right up there with my new-found uncle making you herd cattle in heels; you wearing a dress/heels to chaperone a pool party; and now this one.

I see a book in the making.

[Da Goddess]

BAWWWWWWWWWK!

No thanks. Chickens are great on the table. Dead. But not so much running around where I can smell them.

[Elaina]

When I grow up, I wanna live somewhere where I can have chickens. And maybe cows. And probably rabbits.

[MommyTime]

I have a vivid memory of visiting friends on a farm as a child and gather pastel colored eggs for our breakfast. I was completely fascinated. Do you suppose they make those chickens with a MUTE button, so that I can hide a small coop in my suburban backyard and we can have pastel eggs all winter? And what kind of coop do they need to survive a MI winter? And... *sigh* okay, I guess I can't really have chickens. But they sound like such a good idea.

[Bob Cleveland]

Talk about fowl deeds....

[San Diego Momma]

Your dad makes chicken house calls?

I'm not gonna tell Toots and Booger b/c they'd be ALL OVER IT.

[Amber Katie]

I've only heard one other chicken story that's even comes close to being this entertaining. My boyfriend's mother ended up with 6 chickens in her yard in the suburbs in lovely Plano, TX. Look it up it's quite uppity around there. The icing on the cake for my story is that the chickens escaped from her Vietnamese neighbor's garage where they were penned up. After a 3 hour chase that involved approximately 9 family memebers from next door his mother was yelled at in Vietnamese, but the chickens were left behind. She kept them and gathered eggs until the neighbors called her in to animal control. That phone call led to another chase this time by two fat guys from the city, and alas there was one. She was on the roof and smarter than said fat men. His mother's only comment? "They really should have brought a chicken hook." In case you're wondering, I'm totally marrying into this family. Good times.

[Kit]

LOL! Actually, I'd love some chickens- but my suburban neighbors might be less than thrilled.

[bejewell]

Well no wonder they had to bring them over right away, OF COURSE the chickens are going to be easier to catch when they're roasting. I mean, DUH...

What? Oh, ROOSTING.

Never mind.

I'll put my plate and knife and fork away now.

[Suzanne Broughton]

...and grits

[Suzanne Broughton]

For some reason I want biscuits and gravy for breakfast now....

[Rick's Cafe]

..does it ever end or am I stuck in the hills for all eternity?

If so, where's the 'shine!

[Bob Cleveland]

I always amuses me that folks refer to this as "dueling banjos". It's a banjo and a guitar, people!

[Ellie]

Those spinning spools iz mezmorizing.....