Tweeting the Oscars with Foolery

Guess what I did tonight instead of writing?  Yup, I actually watched the whole Oscar ceremony.  Crazy, I know.  And as I watched, I made ridiculous comments on Twitter. So this is as close to writing as I got, big smart aleck.


There seems to be two choices for Oscar hair: messy or Hair Helmet. I've got messy down pat, myself.



(Photo by REUTERS/Jason Reed)

Sophia Loren looks like Endora from Bewitched.


(Photo by REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni)

@IDoThings Wassup? I can't believe I'm watching the red carpet stuff. Surrendering brain cells as a punishment.

@IDoThings Excellent. Got 'ny guacamole? Ya gotta eat guacamole when ya watch skinny bitches.

@IDoThings I've got a 75-pound lasagna in the oven, will that do? TAKE THAT, SKINNY BITCHES!

@IDoThings My husband is watching "The Mask II" with the kids to avoid the Oscars. Do you know how BAD that movie is? He REALLY hates Oscar.

@ijefff just said that Valentino has a washboard forehead, but would he Twitter it for y'all? Nooooooo. So I am.

Anybody hear the Slumdog kids interviewed by CNN reporter? The oldest said his favorite thing about flying to America...
...was all the free champagne on the flight. Hear that? Someone just got fired.

@IDoThings I'd take the long way to the bar just to trample Angelina or Miley on the way. Now THAT'S sacrificing.

This is what I hate about the Oscars, right here.

How drunk would I need to be to laugh at the musical numbers? #oscars

#oscars Puppets would have been an improvement.

#oscars Look! It's Barbie and Ken! Or, Kengelina.



(Photo stolen from Yahoo! images)

#oscar I think Tilda Swinton appears terrified of contrast.


(Photo by REUTERS/Jason Reed)

#oscars Tilda Swinton needs to pick up Quaker Oatmeal as a corporate sponsor.

#oscars WHERE IS THE MUSIC AND THE GIANT SHEPHERD'S CROOK WHEN WE NEED IT?!

#oscars Is it just me, or does Jennifer Anniston look pissed?

#oscars Is "Spielzeug" really the word for TOY in German? What a fun, fun language.

#oscars OK, I was wrong -- THIS is what I hate about the Oscars.

#oscars HA! Baz Luhrman outed for creating that ACK-WHEEZE-COUGH-GAG-ACK-ACK-ACK song and dance monstrosity.

ha ha ha ha ha R/T @ijefff did that guy buy that tie at a gas station? #oscars


(Photo by REUTERS/Gary Hershorn)

Does Phillip Seymour Hoffman think that's a good look? Maybe he too is channeling Joaquin Phoenix. #oscars

Still working on Hoffman #oscars -- Yarmulke gone really really wrong?

#oscars Zee shortest speech een Oscair eestory eez not zat short.

#oscars "Stay tuned for Will Smith. The biggest a-a-a-a---" well, my mind didn't hear the word "action" coming, did yours?

#oscars WHEW! Thank heavens for commercials. This live tweeting is thirsty work. #gettingmydrinkon

#oscars Sparky asked who were the couple getting married onstage. Whaa? One of the Star Wranglers is in a white gown.

#oscars The third "Slumdog" guy looks like he wants to grab the mic away from his colleague.

#oscars People who should be givens, and therefore exempt, from Oscar thank-yous: spouse, parents, God, Steven Spielberg.

#oscars I love the live orchestra on stage for the music segment. Anything to keep the jazz hands away.

#oscars It's an all-slum Oscars.

#oscars Oh crap, singing and dancing. Better not be any #&%*ing jazz hands.

#oscars If Peter Gabriel didn't do his song, John Legend was a good second choice.

#oscars Hugh Jackman looks like Clint Eastwood. So tonight hasn't been a total loss

#oscars "I'm berri berri happi." LOVE THAT GUY!

#oscars Queen Latifah wins for Best Performance at the 2009 Oscars. Total elegance.


(Photo by REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni)

#oscars Oh, I thought she just said "elevating CRAP to the level of art." I was gonna tell her DUHHH.

#oscars Kate Winslet: absolutely lovely, and hair done by LEGO.


(Photo by REUTERS/Gary Hershorn)

#oscars Ladies and gentlemen, appearing tonight as Jesus, Adrian Brody!

#oscars Robert de Niro has the best line of the night.

#oscars Camera is a little too close to Mickey Rourke for comfort. Plus, he has a vampire behind him.

#oscars Is it me, or did all of the speeches to Best Actor Noms sound like "sorry, you're not gonna win, but whatta guy!"

#Barbarawalters: "...for his wwwrenching performance as a wwwrestler." Wwwwreally?

@ADramaticMommy All silly, all the time. ; )

Comments

[Suz Broughton]

I didn't watch the Oscars. Seriously, I just followed you on Twitter. I'm sure it was MUCH better.

[erin]

i prefer to call them "hairmets" and i think you're wrong, the tattoos really add to angelina's sainthood.

[Bob Cleveland]

I watched the Oscars, but only to try to get a handle on how much they spent getting information out that could have been done by email.

I'd settle for half the diff.

[Mental P Mama]

LOL. Hair by Lego. True dat

[MommyTime]

Many thanks for this. It saved me 3 hours and 52 minutes (assuming a 4 hour broadcast) and gave me all I needed to know. The only thing missing here? Whose dress was the biggest disaster? :)

[Kyddryn]

This make me almost sorry that a) I don't watch the Oscars and B) I don't twitter in public. Almost.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

Thank you. I didn't see the Oscars but it doesn't matter, thanks to your write-up. I know exactly what happened.

Helmet hair.