The Adventures of Nick Asshat: The Light Dawns, Part Four (End)

(Photo stolen from grasshopper25 on Flickr)

Yes, you read that right:  Nick Asshat showed up.  On my first illicit date with his best friend, just after I ended our entanglement for his cheating on me.

There we were, at a little table in Panama's, when who should walk past the window but Nick Asshat.  Chas and I shot each other a glance, but we were trapped.  Trapped!  There's NO escape from an Asshat on the town.

Nick saw us and did what any Asshat in his position could be counted on to do:

he joined us at our little table in Panama's.

And, so you get the full effect of this moment, I need to give you some idea of what Nick looks like.

Pretty much like this, minus the suit.  And he's drunk.


(Photo stolen from these guys)

My apologies to Steve Carell and the suit for any unwanted associations.

ANYWAY, Nick did join us at our table.  He was either blithely indifferent to the awkwardness of the situation (i.e. clueless), or he was taking the high road, extending the olive branch, if you will, burying the hatchet and mending fences.*

Or, just drunk.  Lay your bets please!

There was some stilted, idle chatter, and then Nick Asshat moved on.  And so did we, very quickly thereafter.

It was very important to me that Chas understand that this was not a revenge date, or that I had something to prove.  He was being cautious, but I think he believed me when I said that I had been interested in him weeks before, and that I was trying to end my Asshat association.  I was also quite concerned about his friendship with Nick.  "After all," I said, "A date is not worth throwing away a best friend."

"Best friend?" he asked, taken aback.  "Nick isn't my best friend."

I didn't know quite what to say.  "But he told me you were his best friend," I said slowly.

"Well, I may be HIS best friend, but he isn't MINE," he said.  "I've known him too long and too well for that.  I golf with him."

Oh.

You know what that meant, right?

SMOOTH SAILING, WOO-HOO!

And it was, and it is, and it has been now for over thirteen years.  Except when Nick calls for Chas and I mistake his caller ID for Gubby's number, and accidentally answer the phone.  Crap.


*So, so, so sorry for the pureed metaphors.

Comments

[Jessica Keith]

Can I tell you how shocked I am that the situation didn't end in at least a few punches? Nick doesn't seem the type to just walk away like that.

[Jason]

Now I'm beginning to understand. Pardon me if I missed this detail, but why is "Asshat" his name?

[Madame x]

Nick Asshat....eat your heart out.

:)

[phd in yogurtry]

So when someone asks, "how did you and Chas meet?" .... you can just refer to your blog! Loved reading it.

Lucky boy, Chas : )

[The Mom Bomb]

Awww. A sweet and inspiring ending. From a big fat lemon comes a lifetime of lemonade!

This Nick guy, though -- would love a follow-up. He deserves his own mini-series.

And silly Foolery, you can HAVE the second collage! I popped it in the mail to you with the pears, and I'm thrilled to pieces that someone wants it. It's been sitting here for six months and if you don't take it, Hubs will use it for kindling, trust me.

[Bob Cleveland]

Laurie,

I note that the representative snapshot of Nick didn't reveal a hat. May I assume the reason to be that your last name of choice for him is indicative of where you told him he could put it?

[Rick's Cafe]

I don't know you and we live on opposite sides of the country.
Yet somehow you manage to describe important moments in my life, fairly accurately. Quit it.

Always wondered what my best friend and one of my girlfriends were doing at the bar together...finally know.....it was their 1st date.

....and my last name is NOT asshat.
:)

[Asthmagirl]

I am betting Asshat is not married.
Laurie thanks for the great story... and all the ass pictures!

ahem... so then what happened?

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

My bet is on "just drunk." Or, as they say around here, "paralyzed." (Same meaning.)

What a great story, and I am with the others - it can't end now.

[ok, where was I]

I love the threesome photo, but I do not like "the end" part. Can't you just keep going? Do we all have to have an asshat? I can't believe yours knew somebody that was obviously a great buy. My asshat only knew other asshats. And they often had asshat parties when I was away visiting my family.

[Mental P Mama]

Don't feel bad MommyTime, I don't know who Gubby is either. And, I used to date a drunk who looked like Steve Carell, too. Is Asshat married now? Inquiring minds...

[MommyTime]

This has been an excellent story, and you deserve some sort of prize or medal for your insatiable ability to find THE perfect ass photograph to go with every single Nick Asshat post you've ever written. I don't know how you do it.

And for the idiots among us who really can't get a grip, can you please clarify: are Chas and Gubby the same person or two different people. And if the latter, how does Gubby fit into this whole story? I'm sorry if the answer should be obvious, but I've read the whole Asshat series and I still an unsure. Or just stupid.