Got an e-mail from my ex-boyfriend Tony today.
Yeah, that one. The gay one.
I'll wait while you make a few jokes.
Okay good. Wait! Stop! You said you were done making jokes!
Okay. My gay ex-boyfriend Tony and I have stayed in touch, since we always were good friends and we had parted amicably, something like 16 years ago (and maybe three or four years before he figured out he was going to the wrong bars after work, if you know what I mean). So I was feeling a bit guilty because last year, in a fit of pique, I had deleted Tony's e-mail address from my home address book and routed all of his e-mails to my home computer's JUNK file. Why would I do something like that? Because all of his correspondence was basically advertising for his favorite gay bar, and that's it! No "how's it going Laurie," no "what's it like to be straight Laurie," not even a cheesy animated bunnies happy birthday e-mail! Nope, it was all about two-for-one cover charges and Thirsty Thursdays at The Fuzzy Navel, or The Hole In The Wall, or whatever the name of that bar might have been.
I was being spammed gay bar drink specials by my gay ex-boyfriend.
So today I opened my e-mail program at work, and what do I see but an e-mail from Tony! I was instantly full of guilt for disconnecting without so much as a So Long, Charlie (as well as mad at myself for forgetting to junk-file his e-mails at work, too). I wondered why Tony was connecting out of the blue . . . Ah! the e-mail was about his upcoming 40th birthday (yeah, so I robbed the cradle a little bit once upon a time -- how'd that work out for me?). Was he inviting me to his party? Not bloody likely. Was he telling me of his plans for a fun and fabulous vacation to celebrate? Um, no . . .
He was advising all on his e-mail list that he was throwing himself a FUNDRAISER 40th birthday party at -- you guessed it -- Cowboy Up, or whatever the name of that bar was. He encouraged me to make a donation, in lieu of gifts, to one of his two favorite charities. He assured me that a good time would be had by all.
After all, there were going to be lots of drink specials. Two-for-one.
Okay, you can continue with the jokes -- I'm going to bed. Nighty-night.