You Can Run, But You Can't Hide From Nick Asshat

(Photo stolen from this guy)

I'm starting a new section of this blog. This is dedicated to the baddest Bad Boyfriend there could ever be, just short of criminal behavior. I'll call him Nick Asshat.

I don't really feel like explaining the nature of our relationship, since it was STUPID, and I'm tired. And it's not just tonight, I promise you; I wrote a whole entry that took me two days, and I've never posted it. I guess the magic of Nick is either just too hard to take in full doses or it's funnier in tiny vignettes. So every time I remember something (or Chas reminds me of something, since he knew Nick YEARS before I did) I will post it.

Anyhoo, here's my first Nick entry. There are SO many more of these, so if you like them, let me know.

Nick was a binge drinker. During a time when we were casually dating but just as good friends, we had an agreement -- HA! I was flapping my lips again;  I had an agreement, and Nick ignored it -- that we could see whomever we wanted, but that we should be upfront with each other. So I started dating a great guy I'll call Jay.

Jay could very well have been my Bad Boy, if I weren't already entangled with Mr. Asshat. He sort of mumbled-whispered-growled when he talked, and he was very sexy. Problem was, I was in love with Mr. Asshat, and Jay was playing the field. Ah, what could have been, sigh.

Every time Jay and I went out, guess who we'd run into? That's right, Nick. There he'd be, stumbling in on the latest wave of partiers through the door. On more than one occasion Nick actually had the huevos to join Jay and me at our table. I remember playing Liar's Dice with Nick at least once while on a date with Jay. But I wasn't always so genial, and we'd usually finish our drinks and leave, only to be found later by the sloshy Mr. Asshat once again. And, since he usually drove wherever he went, plowed or not, and since I wasn't eager for some innocent pedestrian to die, I drove Nick home in his car at least once while Jay followed in his car, mumbling-whispering-growling in a not-so-sexy way. Yes, any relationship I could have had with Jay was doomed.

Jay asked me once, "Are you telling him where to find you? Because it's just weird that he shows up EVERY TIME we go out." I agreed, but assured him I was definitely not telling Mr. Asshat where we'd be trysting that evening. The truth was, Nick hit up pretty much every bar in town any Saturday night he was out. Our only real choice in Nick avoidance was to leave town or stay in, and our relationship wasn't strong enough for either of those options. Sadly, Jay faded away. We're still friends, however.

And, as my consolation prize, I still had Nick Asshat.

Comments

[ok, where was I]

I have been meaning to start at the beginning of these posts since I read my first one, which was recent. Sadly, though, this sounds like my follow-up relationship to Temistocoles. Yeah, I went downhill.

[foolery]

I see a guest post in your future, Miss Faux. "Would you like to see my shiny new BMW?"

[Cheryl McCoy]

i think he has a twin, or several. wait, that's not possible, genetically, is it? it must be a havioral issue then shared among boors and asshats at large.

some day, we must divulge the tales of emil the crazed israeli.

xxoo
fauxmccoy

[Anthony]

Sounds like some of the guys I partied with while I was in college.

Veteran partyers trained by the US military. Dem boyz never met a beer keg they didn't like or love.

Fortunately for me I was a trained civilian stoner from the bay area so I was able to keep up.

I believe you're right he wasn't following you, but stumbled on you and hoped to bum a few drinks to boot since he knew you. lol