Foolery

Good Samaritans on the Rampage

The doorbell rang at 10:00 last night. I had forgotten that we have a doorbell, frankly.

It was the neighbor, Lupe, and her granddaughter Miranda. They are lovely and thoughtful and were simply telling me that the dome light was on in my car, thus saving me a dead battery today.

However. When the doorbell rings it sends our two dogs into an absolute frenzy. The kids were asleep. Chas was asleep. I was watching TV and bolted out of the chair.

“Hi? Just a minute!” I yelled through the window of the front door. Lupe and Miranda could hear the howling and yapping of The Demon Dogs, who were not the least bit interested in getting into their crate so I could open the door. Of course not. But at least they were far away, over by the bay window, when I opened the door --

“Hola,” I said, as Wally shot between my feet through the doorway and out into the night.

“Hi Laurie,” said dear Miranda, speaking for her grandmother. “The light is on in your --”

“Just a second, honey -- WALLYYYYYYYYY!” I called frantically, knowing it’s useless to call any kind of hound when his nose is busy (and it’s ALWAYS busy). As I hustled past them onto the lawn, sock-footed, Miranda kept on, undaunted: “-- in your car, so we wanted to tell you, so . . .”

“Thank you so much!” I enthused, distracted by the whuffling beagle I was trying to outsmart by pretending not to give chase. Wally had rounded the front of the house, headed for the pitch black back yard and then . . . THE PASTURE. If Wally got to the pasture there’d be no catching him tonight. “Wally, c’mere boy,” I called weakly, hoping not to spook him. Miranda suddenly understood my distraction.

“C’mere, Wally!” she called brightly. And do you know, that dog -- who has never come when he’s called, EVER -- trotted calmly up to Miranda for pats and scratches? I scooped him up as nonchalantly as I could manage, and thanked Lupe and Miranda profusely for everything, then carried the still sniffing Wally into the house and bolted the door.

A dead battery wouldn’t have been so bad, would it?

Reprise: Here's a Problem You'd Forgotten About

I made this in 2009 but in light of the passing of Kim Jong Il over the weekend, I think a repeat is in order. I mean, out of respect, it's the least I can do.

 

With apologies to anyone and everyone who's ever seen, heard, loved, and even hated "The Sound of Music."

He dines on lobster every day
Lives large without a care
With starving people on the ground
And missiles in the air
And though he's dressed austerely
He has Elvis Presley hair
Aboard his private train around the country

He's really into movies
Such as "Rambo" and "Top Gun"
He kidnapped a director
So he'd have a pet for fun
I hate to have to say it
But I think his time is done
Kim Jong-Il's not an asset to the country

I'd like to say a word in his behalf
Kim Jong-Il makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Korea?
Where'll his nuclear cloud be coming down?
How do we side-step war with North Korea?
The flibbertijibbet! The will-o'-the wisp! The clown!

Many a starving soul would like to shell him
Many of us would opt to lend a hand
But how do you make him stay
For, "Go ahead -- make my day"
How do you train the cross hairs on this man?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Korea?
How 'bout we ship him to Afghanistan?

Foolerytoons: Change of Plans

Click on the 'toon to embiggen it.